I prefer a golden spoon, thanks. This sounds distasteful:
When you’re eating at a restaurant, you’re putting a tremendous amount of faith in the kitchen and wait staff that your food will be kept as contaminant-free as possible. But if you’re really worried about an establishment’s hygiene, make sure you’re always carrying Object Solutions’ Magnifying Spoon that lets you inspect your meal up close beforehand.
Ugh, ignorance is bliss. <epic rap battles of history>Y-y-y-you decide!</epic rap battles of history>